Few minutes of thought...

I am a pretty lucky girl...Inherited good parents, loving relatives and a "not bad" family set up...Did well at school, had plenty of friends, was a friend whom pals treasured and the not-so-known-people wished to be close to, got the love and blessings of teachers...Blessed enough to get good marks and good competitive exam ranks...Studied in old and famous college...Made name there...Pretty sure have positively affected the lives of many...Very sure there are quite some people who will feel indebted to me , for small gestures though...A good number who admire me and wish all the good in the world come to me...A still greater number who think of me with warmth...Got a good life partner...Spent our own lovely time together after marriage...Got settled in the true sense...Blessed with the joy of a son...

Thank you! I feel truly honoured.

This infact puts a lot of things into perspective...There are lots more to look ahead...A few sad things, hope they don't distract the overwhelming optimism with which I am trying to look at life...

Converge my energies, my gift of words, the warmth of my thoughts, the practicality of my vision, the rationale of my action, my mind, my soul, my conscience...hopefully I shape up to a plum and mature woman...

This is my silence; it seems like a loud point made…
It is a broken wall, but I feel I am not responsible for mending it…
A silent stroke, but agony is written over it …
Withered petals, drooped leaves, and a single tear that shines on my cheek…

Questions, ward off from my inquisitive mind…
Concerns, drain off from my flooded thoughts…
Agony, don’t prick me any longer…
Vengeance, I don’t want to pay any coin back….

Surging waves, splash and take off all that I want to forget…
Soothing breeze, kiss the broken area of my heart…
Keshav’s smile, embalm my spirits…
God’s hand, touch upon my soul…

Faith, help me endure struggles…
Prayer, ring the divine in my ears…
Hope, help me see the brighter side of life…
Love, understand the ones for whom it pains more than me…!

Mixed feelings

These thought trains are captured in the gap of an hour...

Dear Woe, Tell me, why do you follow me?
Haven't I been optimistic enough?
Haven't I struggled and achieved things that all thought I would never even attempt?
Haven't I "exceeded expectations and set new benchmarks"?

But still it seems that pranks are always played on me...
The smart Reshmi is always the one whose heart is going to be targeted, hit and broken...
Why did I take up so much responsibility (and that too willingly!)?
Why couldn't I be a little selfish?
Why do I ask myself all these "whys" after things flop big time?
Why do I always justify everyone else and find that finger needs to be pointed always @ me? (every time!)

I am only 25 years. Am I more mature than my age?
Am I capable of doing more than my peers?
Does being a wife and mother mean that I am a daughter any longer?

Why times change?
Why distress comes?
Why anger and revenge?
Why meanness?

Why not gratitude?
Why not regard and respect?
Why not understanding?

Sentiment is a stupid cloud that is hovering over my head now. I thought a rain of tears would do me fine. But then I forgot that this is monsoon, and "Sentiment" clouds are spreading on the sky after every rain.

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Dear Little Buds, you have blossomed. Its no longer your safe zone on the stem, nourished by the parent plant. This is your test for you are going to be a part of a bouquet. Be fresh and smart so that you make way to the finest and rarest of bouquets. You have got it in you to make a mark and secure your place and identity on the bouquet. The bouquet has to be valued and remembered for you.

I quote " Go kiss the world. Good luck and Godspeed."

The happy smiley is addressed to Punnan and Kunju as they step out to their next moves.

Back...!

It has been reaaaaalllly long time. I wonder where my expression went - It was one of the most happy and happening times in my life, but somehow I could not make time and space to capture all those to words.

Well pals (I am wondering if there is really any of you who still browse thru to find out if I have posted something!), I am back. I cannot say "back with a bang". "Bang" and Reshmi don't come together now coz Reshmi is now the proud mother of Keshav (3 months) and mothers and "bang" are ols enemies. So thatz the latest from my end. Nowadays I find my expression in the lullabies I create on a daily basis and the new chweet, slimy language in which I talk to Keshu.

Lots to write about - from Keshu to Salomi (our most recent domestic help) to the nameless young boy gardeners who spread blossoms on Sarjapur Road. Probably the best character to narrate about will be myself considering the drastic transition motherhood has brought to my feelings..

This is just a preface, will be back on this page with more...!