Lessons from bitter moments

I thought we were similar. See when I say similar, it is not looks, family, financial status or lifestyle that I think about. I say similar when our thoughts are similar, our ideas match, we have the same kind of viewpoint in most topics, we are able to relate to each other the way we talk. I really thought and still think that we are similar.

I tried to imbibe certain goodness from you to myself. I tried to put my feelings across to you. You gave me company and in tough times a lot of solace. Even though half of my problems and worries were an output of some silly nonsensical thoughts, you listened to my problems from across the seas. You made me feel important. I professed to your problems through mails and you found solutions to my worries. I thought we were close, as close as the times when we were together and we were two students with no worries. I thought we had failed to distinguish whether we were bound by friendship or sisterhood.

Your success amazed me. Your new endeavors thrilled me. I was content with my degree and job. Somewhere I felt I had lost that urge for more. I saw you scaling heights which I had one day planned of scaling. I was amazed at your determination and perseverance. I regarded you to extreme respect and questioned myself “Why I couldn’t be like you?”

My life took a new route and I conveyed my marriage news to you. But somewhere I was caught up in my own worries of married life. As usual I was caught in my self created web of doubts. I lost touch with you. I lost touch with my own need for friends.

Everything happened too suddenly for me. A new person became very much my own life. Little did I know that when my new life was getting built with loving moments, you had lost yours? I never realized the immense pain you went through. Everyday I prayed a line for the whole world, with my regular prayer. I never knew you were so much in need of a special prayer.

Did it ever occur to you that in a split second your very own life can take a sharp downslide turn and surprise you? You thought that this path had great goals and moments in the offering, but now you can just stare at the road ahead and try to decipher some vague inner meanings. You had put faith in immense goodness of mankind and in the kindness of God. But now you just wonder whether there is any justice in the world?


This is penned sometime back (2 months ago) in a moment of immense pain – a reaction to a close friend’s sad moment in life which I happened to share. Today at this juncture I’m really happy at the recovery that she has had. When I say recovery, I don’t give credit to time and nature. I give credit to her immense fighting spirit. I’m praying to God to help her see the greener roads ahead and the flowers that blossom on those roads.

It has been a realization to me in many ways. Showing me the uncertainty that life is, cautioning me about never to take people in my life for granted, and also a wonderful experience in seeing the marvelous process of the healing. Most importantly I started thinking of my own friends with a whole lot more of concern. Somewhere I sensed that I might not realize when and how they need me. I have always had them around when I needed them. Hope I can stand for them when they need me.

I suddenly had this urge to post this – the trigger again being a close friend's thoughts as expressed thru his blog here.