Present

Just a few words typed for a friend on a communicator window seemed to have comforted her from some known and some unknown fears...If it has comforted VR, the bestest of my chums @ work, then it ought to be on ensemble at least as a memoir to our friendship....

Keshav has a tendency to try and hold the flame of the lighted lamp...We generally light lamps in the evening...I scold and shout and all just to prevent him from getting his fingers burnt...But one day it slipped my notice and he held the flame and his fingers got lil burnt...I thought as I comforted him, "Good, at least he will remember the pain and not do it again"...

But then the next day, when I lighted the lamp he gave the same sincere hearted effort again...He is not remembering the past, so he has no judgements...the future, the burn, the pain, the scars don't bother him...it is the present that is fascinating him...in all glow and colour and brightness...it is alluring him and casting its aura on him...it is calling him to take the step that is marked by innocence, curiosity, and pure delight for all in sight and sound...becoz "he is always living in the present"...."present moment is inevitable"...

Few minutes of thought...

I am a pretty lucky girl...Inherited good parents, loving relatives and a "not bad" family set up...Did well at school, had plenty of friends, was a friend whom pals treasured and the not-so-known-people wished to be close to, got the love and blessings of teachers...Blessed enough to get good marks and good competitive exam ranks...Studied in old and famous college...Made name there...Pretty sure have positively affected the lives of many...Very sure there are quite some people who will feel indebted to me , for small gestures though...A good number who admire me and wish all the good in the world come to me...A still greater number who think of me with warmth...Got a good life partner...Spent our own lovely time together after marriage...Got settled in the true sense...Blessed with the joy of a son...

Thank you! I feel truly honoured.

This infact puts a lot of things into perspective...There are lots more to look ahead...A few sad things, hope they don't distract the overwhelming optimism with which I am trying to look at life...

Converge my energies, my gift of words, the warmth of my thoughts, the practicality of my vision, the rationale of my action, my mind, my soul, my conscience...hopefully I shape up to a plum and mature woman...

This is my silence; it seems like a loud point made…
It is a broken wall, but I feel I am not responsible for mending it…
A silent stroke, but agony is written over it …
Withered petals, drooped leaves, and a single tear that shines on my cheek…

Questions, ward off from my inquisitive mind…
Concerns, drain off from my flooded thoughts…
Agony, don’t prick me any longer…
Vengeance, I don’t want to pay any coin back….

Surging waves, splash and take off all that I want to forget…
Soothing breeze, kiss the broken area of my heart…
Keshav’s smile, embalm my spirits…
God’s hand, touch upon my soul…

Faith, help me endure struggles…
Prayer, ring the divine in my ears…
Hope, help me see the brighter side of life…
Love, understand the ones for whom it pains more than me…!

Mixed feelings

These thought trains are captured in the gap of an hour...

Dear Woe, Tell me, why do you follow me?
Haven't I been optimistic enough?
Haven't I struggled and achieved things that all thought I would never even attempt?
Haven't I "exceeded expectations and set new benchmarks"?

But still it seems that pranks are always played on me...
The smart Reshmi is always the one whose heart is going to be targeted, hit and broken...
Why did I take up so much responsibility (and that too willingly!)?
Why couldn't I be a little selfish?
Why do I ask myself all these "whys" after things flop big time?
Why do I always justify everyone else and find that finger needs to be pointed always @ me? (every time!)

I am only 25 years. Am I more mature than my age?
Am I capable of doing more than my peers?
Does being a wife and mother mean that I am a daughter any longer?

Why times change?
Why distress comes?
Why anger and revenge?
Why meanness?

Why not gratitude?
Why not regard and respect?
Why not understanding?

Sentiment is a stupid cloud that is hovering over my head now. I thought a rain of tears would do me fine. But then I forgot that this is monsoon, and "Sentiment" clouds are spreading on the sky after every rain.

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Dear Little Buds, you have blossomed. Its no longer your safe zone on the stem, nourished by the parent plant. This is your test for you are going to be a part of a bouquet. Be fresh and smart so that you make way to the finest and rarest of bouquets. You have got it in you to make a mark and secure your place and identity on the bouquet. The bouquet has to be valued and remembered for you.

I quote " Go kiss the world. Good luck and Godspeed."

The happy smiley is addressed to Punnan and Kunju as they step out to their next moves.

Back...!

It has been reaaaaalllly long time. I wonder where my expression went - It was one of the most happy and happening times in my life, but somehow I could not make time and space to capture all those to words.

Well pals (I am wondering if there is really any of you who still browse thru to find out if I have posted something!), I am back. I cannot say "back with a bang". "Bang" and Reshmi don't come together now coz Reshmi is now the proud mother of Keshav (3 months) and mothers and "bang" are ols enemies. So thatz the latest from my end. Nowadays I find my expression in the lullabies I create on a daily basis and the new chweet, slimy language in which I talk to Keshu.

Lots to write about - from Keshu to Salomi (our most recent domestic help) to the nameless young boy gardeners who spread blossoms on Sarjapur Road. Probably the best character to narrate about will be myself considering the drastic transition motherhood has brought to my feelings..

This is just a preface, will be back on this page with more...!

Home is where the heart is…

From the time I joined Mar Athanasius College of Engg for my B Tech, life has always been away from home and more so from the time I left for job. I have longed for home, the food, the plush sofas, the curtains, the sunlight that fell in thru the windows, the cots, the bathrooms, the smell, the greenery that greeted me thru the windows. I found it difficult to accept hostels and PGs, in spite of all the fun they gave, it was never home! Home is that cosy comfort that you feel, that sense of belonging, it’s about growing and associating your memories to a structure in brick, wood and mortar, it’s about the bond you build with a physical structure, the pains with which you clean, decorate and renovate it from time to time.

For many of us in our journey of life, home is a milestone, a landmark which all of us dream of. It is our resort after work, a calm place, a place where we want divinity and grace to be filled. It is a dream to build a house and make it a cosy home for your kids to play and grow.

I have my own home dreams...dreams of dusting my furniture… Of the containers arranged on the kitchen racks… Of the wonderful dishes kept in covered vessels… Of the book shelf, lined with the books and magazines…The framed Wedding and Reception snap capturing our best moments… Birthday cards from Punnan... The painting of the lovely Krishna, with a flute lost away in thought... The smooth and lacy curtains... The beds with soft designed bed sheets…The sunlight that streams in thru the French windows…The curtains dancing in the breeze and images cast by sunlight…

Thus, as Man and Wife, we had begun our search for home. In the vast and ever-expanding Bangalore, we had our heartbreaks seeing the prices, the Marketing guys frustrated us, we strained ourselves to find hidden costs and motives, and we swore to ourselves that we’ll never ever look for a home in Bangalore. To hide our home searching disasters, we blabbered about what a worse city Bangalore is, searched for alternate options in Kochi. After walking thru construction sites on weekends, tired and desperate, many a times we broke down emotionally. We calculated our funds again and again. We reasoned and argued. We prayed…

And finally we saw a house that would soon be ours. We saw hope, that carried us thru Bank Loan deliberations and Registration. And finally brought us to the d-day wherein we appeased the Gods and moved in to our new home, happy and contented. It was after all just a 6 month of search and wait for us, we thanked God for making it happen so soon and for having our parents around who helped and supported us.

We are in our new house, and on a new voyage of associating memories to this man-made structure. It is so much a part of our dreams and in future would very much be part of our memories. God bless!

The Venice Of The East

People say you are in your first year of marriage, young, no commitments, both have jobs, living together in Bangalore - so everyday should be a picnic, a holiday :) Well, it more or less is, more so on the weekends when we have the whole day and no work. It is a picnic in mind space, but then cooking, shopping, washing, cleaning, moping just don't make it a picnic in any real sense. Initially like every new couple with a married tag, we made an unending list of places to visit, innumerable ways to spend our weekends, but somehow slowly the weekend chores have taken precedence. I have moved on at work space also, and when after 5 days of IT Support, Saturday - Sunday is for a peaceful time at home cleaning up everything that has accumulated from 5 days at work.

So it was rather a surprise when during our latest trip home, there came this chance for a boating trip in Alappuzha. My native in Alappuzha, a place called Haripad. But then Alappuzha had been one place which came on our way to Haripad, and a place about which the people in my office kept enquiring. There ended all my connection to Alappuzha until I formed a new one.


What waited for us there was not just heat and humidity, but waterways with either side laden with greenery. People gazing from either bank when a motor boat and two people with cameras tried to capture what they felt was a normal day to day life. People who live a life close to nature, but then circumstances seldom allowing them to enjoy the nature which people from far and near come to capture in still and moving shots. Little children who waved, and chaps who whistled. Old people who appeared shaking their heads, probably thinking about what had become of their once calm and quite backwaters. Bold ones, young and old, who rowed their private valloms defying the currents sent by big motorised boats. Fleets of house boats which very much define the God's Own Country abroad. Coconut palms stretched in a never ending line which made us wonder where the end of the world is. Temples lined on the banks. Election banners occupying prominent spaces. Small cool bars selling coke and cigarettes.

That is Alappuzha as I saw it and the ripples that it passed through my mind. One thing unsaid might leave my impressions of this trip incomplete – the wonderful lunch we had at KTDC’s Yatri Nivas in Pallathuruthy– a homely Kerala meal accentuated by the wonderful tasting dishes, refreshing buttermilk, karimeen fry and chicken curry.

Unsaid and unapplauded my blog turned one on April 28th. I still remember that fateful day I started blogging and I am sure it was one of the best days of my life. Thanks to all of you out there, for all the encouragement and feedback.