One Question...

This was penned sometime back, and saved in My Documents...Found it while I was cleaning up my system of all the junk that had accumulated for a year...

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I am in a new role...Gone past are the discussions, interviews, negotiations...I was never tensed, because I was happy in the previous role as well...The new role was a new oppurtunity I had come across in my organisation which I felt suited me and would benefit me in the long run...Thinking back on to that interview for the role...

A simple question...
Asked to a person whose major area of work has been SQL...
In mind, technically I was a SQL person...
I could talk people through my mind, and make them think in affirmative...
I had a lot of confidence in how I presented myself...
All the good reasons to qualify for this role was on my side...

But then a simple question...
A simple SQL question...
I knew it, it sounded very known and familiar...
But at the apt moment I couldn't recollect...
It was simply there, refusing to refresh into the fresh pages of my memory...

A trigger to thoughts...
A breeze of humility...
Far more attentivity and care in answering questions...
Left the "I am perfect" attitude...
Adopted an anyday better "I have lots to learn" attitude...

What a change, I really do sound better in the answers given...
I feel the glow of faith within me, that he will guide me through this...
I feel great from within, no pretensions, no effort to create impression...
I get a taste of my truthful self...

It is surprising how we get carried away by situations at times, feel a little over-confident and that shows out as a little arrogant and high-handed behaviour.
But with all the keys from a middle class restricted upbringing and my own conscience, thankfully I got over that momentary arrogant phase that gained an upper hand in a interview.

It is surprising how a question put forth, put me straight to the right slot as a humble being.

Ohoho..Look at this!

Attempting a new look for Ensemble...[:D]
And recording it with this small entry...

An year to remember...

2009 has seen me very little as a blogger...i was not able to come to my self as a blogger who loved describing the smallest events in life, the person who saw a story in normal things, a sentiment in small incidents...but then, when 2009 winds to a close and i look back, it is yet another year to remember...

2008 would be an unforgettable year for me, for the grand entry Keshav made into my life..2009 would be remembered because i have matured as a mother...i have taken maternity in my stride..i have rekindled the person in me who was getting lost in hustle and bustle of maternity..i have rediscovered the youth in thoughts...and am trying to get the mother in me travel alongside the daughter, wife, sister and friend...

hope that i can reflect on myself through last year in the few days that remain of 2009...even if it all doesn't get reflected on Ensemble, there are a lot of thoughts coursing through mind...

the beautiful start to this year with the long drive to Kerala..the distance we spanned in people through Palghat, Kochi and Alleppey is one of the best treks we had, and will always be cherished for a dear friend who gave us company through the journey, and through whom we discovered the buoyancy of spirits and elevation that a genuine enthusiast can lend...Thanks Vandy, you always hold a special place in my heart...

One of my biggest dreams was to drive a car on my own...As you know, driving licenses seldom point to actual drivers...in late 2008, i started my tryst with driving again, under Sandettan's watchful eyes...And 2009 took Sandettan away to Mysore on work, and thus started my bon voyage through Bangalore...I drove up through blunders and mistakes, to make the confident driver of today..It was another feather in the armour for me, i truly cherish the self reliance and independence driving gave me...also, i remember the best moments when i drove out with Keshav all buckled up in the car seat playing the song we loved and sweet talking..

2009 saw a long span of separation from Sandettan, as he left to Mysore on work..i saw recession in close quarters..i realised the strength friends and relatives can give through tough times..i can remember a few friends who took my cause as they would take their personal stuff, my eyes are misty in those thoughts..but most of all, when we stayed apart i saw how happy and full our life together had been..we were chasing our silly worries when life was at the most wholesome for us with our togetherness...

two months in the beautiful city of Melbourne, a role change that took me there..it was a welcome break from stress of staying away from Sandettan, for a very worked up one and a half years as a mother...me and Keshav took our respective dividends, he with a wonderful time spent with his grandparents which has left him smarter, curious and talkative..And me with some time to chill out, reorganise myself and get back recharged...

2009 for the first time in life when i look at myself and felt conscious about weight gain...for the diet control, systematic yoga and gym combination that i am trying to stick on to...for giving myself more time to look within and to look good..

that is a lot 2009, and my kitty of resolutions for 2010 is already full...

Fair and Unfair

Patty, you have touched me...In a soft spot which I didn't quite realise existed...

For a moment I felt fortunate...Even when I felt unsure, my career was safe and stable...At every level, I have yearned for more...I have wanted to grow...I have grown frustrated at time...Wanted stuff to work out faster...Wanted all the good things to blossom together in my career...But all that while, my career was safe...It was progressing smoothly...I was growing faster than peers...

On the personal front, I am settled...I have a home, kid, all comforts and above all a loving husband and family...I have my flexibility at work...I am sure of myself...I drive around and find my own way...I treasure my independence and self reliance, together with it I treasure the feeling of being a precious possession for my people...

I cannot imagine losing the job and being thrown out to the recession hit IT world...Have been settled for a long time, so can't quite imagine the woes of mind a person unsettled in work and home fronts might encounter...I smile when I am happy, and I am happy most of the time coz I have all fair reasons on my side...So can't quite imagine how difficult it is to smile with all concerns and apprehensions within...

And I ponder how magical the equation of fair and unfair is....

Again a moving phase...

Again a moving phase...

2.5 years in one team and now moved to another...

Opputunities beckon me, they tell me "Sieze the mantle"...

I am a little confused, I am not on comfortable grounds, I am with unknown people, I am standing before my current job which looms over unknown horizons....

I struggle to understand the scope, the magnitude, the impact...

I try to measure benefits, assess team mates, judge behaviours...

I feel it is OK even if I don't fit in...

Would I gain over the work and people? Would I excel? Would I make a name for myself? Would I...

Do I seem silly to the people? Do my questions suit context and have relevance?

Will I set in and see career paths leading me to newer heights from the current level?

I am trying to fight the inertia. The static inertia I had gained with long time in a role. The static inertia that makes new people seem distant and strange. I am trying to get into a state of motion and volatility and change.

Wish me Good Luck :D

Present

Just a few words typed for a friend on a communicator window seemed to have comforted her from some known and some unknown fears...If it has comforted VR, the bestest of my chums @ work, then it ought to be on ensemble at least as a memoir to our friendship....

Keshav has a tendency to try and hold the flame of the lighted lamp...We generally light lamps in the evening...I scold and shout and all just to prevent him from getting his fingers burnt...But one day it slipped my notice and he held the flame and his fingers got lil burnt...I thought as I comforted him, "Good, at least he will remember the pain and not do it again"...

But then the next day, when I lighted the lamp he gave the same sincere hearted effort again...He is not remembering the past, so he has no judgements...the future, the burn, the pain, the scars don't bother him...it is the present that is fascinating him...in all glow and colour and brightness...it is alluring him and casting its aura on him...it is calling him to take the step that is marked by innocence, curiosity, and pure delight for all in sight and sound...becoz "he is always living in the present"...."present moment is inevitable"...

Few minutes of thought...

I am a pretty lucky girl...Inherited good parents, loving relatives and a "not bad" family set up...Did well at school, had plenty of friends, was a friend whom pals treasured and the not-so-known-people wished to be close to, got the love and blessings of teachers...Blessed enough to get good marks and good competitive exam ranks...Studied in old and famous college...Made name there...Pretty sure have positively affected the lives of many...Very sure there are quite some people who will feel indebted to me , for small gestures though...A good number who admire me and wish all the good in the world come to me...A still greater number who think of me with warmth...Got a good life partner...Spent our own lovely time together after marriage...Got settled in the true sense...Blessed with the joy of a son...

Thank you! I feel truly honoured.

This infact puts a lot of things into perspective...There are lots more to look ahead...A few sad things, hope they don't distract the overwhelming optimism with which I am trying to look at life...

Converge my energies, my gift of words, the warmth of my thoughts, the practicality of my vision, the rationale of my action, my mind, my soul, my conscience...hopefully I shape up to a plum and mature woman...