Moving on...

This draft was written 2 months back, in a very emotional situation..And I was searching for something to post on my blog and found this one. And trust me, it still makes emotions swell within me...

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I have moved out of my company. A place where I had planned to stick on for the rest of my life. A place where I had achieved. A place where I had carved a niche for myself. A place where I was known, accepted and appreciated. A place where I had stood up to critique systems and processes. A place where I had questioned practices. A place where I had made friends and became friend to many. A place where I had vouched that one day I would climb high up the ladders. A place where I had resolved that I would change the systems that I felt was outrageous. Still in a moment all that was overtaken with an all powerful feeling that I cannot define in words and I moved out!

I still remember my induction into IT industry in Hyderabad – how I stared wide-eyed at the people, the big stages and presentations. How I felt myself brimming with emotion when the PowerPoint’s flashed with the company values. How I had strained my ears to hear about the growth opportunities. How I had contemplated getting an onsite opportunity. How much I had seen myself in dreams and daydreams as a smart and achieving corporate.

But then time…the great factor time had taken me through to opportunities, disappointments, heartbreaks, heroism, and camaraderie. It had shown me that values are wonderful bits residing on papers and sites, you work your way around the values. It had given me an extension of college life. It had given me a happy-go-lucky fresher tag that I enjoyed. I got a chance to work with wonderful managers, people who polished my skills and attitudes, and influenced my outlook and behaviour. It also showed me that the world is not a place as green as it appears to be. There are a lot of “red people” who “stand out”! But then that is the way things are. Situations are not always plum and people are not always rosy. But then life is just about taking people and situations as they are and as they come.

I have met some wonderful people and had some wonderful insightful experiences, they stand out as lessons to guide and inspire me. I still remember how as a team, one careless dialogue from our side went to the verge of risking my manager’s job. But this great man, the most wonderful manager I have seen, came back to us and without scolding or losing his cool explained the situation and told us to be utmost careful while communicating. Even now when people praise me on the clarity and content I deliver thru my official communications, my mind just goes back to the tips given by this person. Every time I am bogged down by work pressure, I remember the moment I had broken down in front of him and his words of advice that very moment which shows me the path ahead.

I remember the heated discussions that we had with our clients on billing and service delivery, where I sat confused as to why the person with whom I always had the friendliest of conversations was so animated now? But then I was again in for surprise when the same person pinged me on chat and told me not to take offence of the mud throwing in the discussions and that personal relationships and friendship is all above business. I still cherish that moment.

I remember all my sweet friends who shared their cups and concerns. People with whom I went for coffees and lunches, the wonderful discussions we had, the insight that each of them gave me, the stories they shared which made me feel important, the way they reached out to me when I needed but pretended that I was fine. My training batch for being the best group, a much “unified in diversity” group that made my extended college life.

Time had shown me that mind is a wild horse which you would always have trouble controlling. It showed me that a human being and more so an ambitious one will always have problems when situations don’t move and offer terms of growth. It showed me that big decisions are taken in a moment. It showed me that a single event can turn your life and you to some decisions which you had never expected to take. It surprised me that I found justifications for quitting my company and also effectively communicated that to the people around me. It surprised me that my mind accustomed to my new decision and longed within for the change which was just a momentary decision.

Well so thatz the story. Quitting was tough, but then somewhere I got the courage to stand by my decision. Still I hold my company close to my heart and as my company! Probably I would for a long time… Pardon me for any spelling/grammatical mistakes guyz; I quite don’t have the mind to read thru this stuff. It is said once and for all!