Far, yet so close...

There have been times where I have thought and thought over decisions to be made…friends talk around me, but I’m counting my for and against arguments…I’m praying to God in my heart of hearts for His help in taking a better decision…Consequences scare me, intuitions show me highs and lows, people and possibilities look uncertain…I feel my decision controls my life, n I focus my resolve and mental resources…

I was in one of those phases this weekend…My MBA roomie talking lot of stuff – a very interesting and dynamic woman…she brings the same charm and dynamism to her talks and views…I confide my deepest fears and concerns…I speak out my doubting self…

N M-woman baffles me…she tells me “even I’m scared…”…times when people fail the vision of super-smartness and assuredness that they naturally exude…

And she touches me with her statement – “I have seen so much – so much so that I think I’m talking with you here, I leave for office and I don’t know whether I’ll come back to the same place…”…the whole story tumbles out…how death devastates, how it leaves you helpless, the meanness that you suddenly realize is a part of this big world, how you toughen yourself to straighten things out…n showed me that people endure so much, they go thru things that seem impossible and irrational, still they survive, they wear their happy masks and act comedy scenes, they comfort and console you so much even when their hearts are brimming, n they feel they might not handle it all and explode the next moment…

The cents I earn go to my stay, stomach and style…For someone else; it’s a family’s survival and necessities…
The decisions I have to make are simplified by the support I get in life…For someone else; it is to support and in the best interest of others…
I rush home to dump my worries and concern on my parents…For someone; it is home to greater issues and things that need fixes…

Death – I have seen you steal many dear ones…dance a horrendous dance in the lives of many close to me…but still I do remember when I first got a glimpse of what you can do…sometime in my primary classes when you stole a plump, bubbly, “undapakroo”, loves to speed up n down stairs, childhood friend…
Death – that left a dull colour at the corner of his lips, and packed him up in a cardboard box with a white ribbon tied around his head…
Death – superior enough to make the whole students of a school queue up to witness the masterpiece…
Death – red swollen eyes and damp saree pallus…
Death – silence and immobility…
Death – the big void…

And remind me of my very own existence – “far, yet so close” destiny...

@M-woman: I salute the amazing person you are..!! I can foresee your great future ahead...

4 comments:

Anonymous 12:00 PM  

My office people around are asking me...."Hey what happened...why are tears in your eyes"...I told them that I have a bad cold...but...I know the truth as to what brought tears to my eyes....Its wonderful to have a friend like you....

Shilpa

Thoyakat 6:22 PM  

Gud post...Guess v should all realise that at some point in life nothing is in our hands...v have 2 accept wat comes r way n make d best of it !!!

Reshmi 12:03 PM  

@shilpa: thanx da..

@thoyakat: u r one person who has told me dis great truth again and again..:)..n trust me it is wonderful balm on ur worries..

pophabhi 1:49 PM  

Nice post! Thought that these are thoughts reserved to mad heads like our gang. :)
We really donno whats in store for the next moment. The uncertainty, the belief that there are things to be done, and the fact that it may or may not strike - that makes life. That is life.