This was penned sometime back, and saved in My Documents...Found it while I was cleaning up my system of all the junk that had accumulated for a year...
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I am in a new role...Gone past are the discussions, interviews, negotiations...I was never tensed, because I was happy in the previous role as well...The new role was a new oppurtunity I had come across in my organisation which I felt suited me and would benefit me in the long run...Thinking back on to that interview for the role...
A simple question...
Asked to a person whose major area of work has been SQL...
In mind, technically I was a SQL person...
I could talk people through my mind, and make them think in affirmative...
I had a lot of confidence in how I presented myself...
All the good reasons to qualify for this role was on my side...
But then a simple question...
A simple SQL question...
I knew it, it sounded very known and familiar...
But at the apt moment I couldn't recollect...
It was simply there, refusing to refresh into the fresh pages of my memory...
A trigger to thoughts...
A breeze of humility...
Far more attentivity and care in answering questions...
Left the "I am perfect" attitude...
Adopted an anyday better "I have lots to learn" attitude...
What a change, I really do sound better in the answers given...
I feel the glow of faith within me, that he will guide me through this...
I feel great from within, no pretensions, no effort to create impression...
I get a taste of my truthful self...
It is surprising how we get carried away by situations at times, feel a little over-confident and that shows out as a little arrogant and high-handed behaviour.
But with all the keys from a middle class restricted upbringing and my own conscience, thankfully I got over that momentary arrogant phase that gained an upper hand in a interview.
It is surprising how a question put forth, put me straight to the right slot as a humble being.
One Question...
Ohoho..Look at this!
Attempting a new look for Ensemble...[:D]
And recording it with this small entry...
An year to remember...
2009 has seen me very little as a blogger...i was not able to come to my self as a blogger who loved describing the smallest events in life, the person who saw a story in normal things, a sentiment in small incidents...but then, when 2009 winds to a close and i look back, it is yet another year to remember...
2008 would be an unforgettable year for me, for the grand entry Keshav made into my life..2009 would be remembered because i have matured as a mother...i have taken maternity in my stride..i have rekindled the person in me who was getting lost in hustle and bustle of maternity..i have rediscovered the youth in thoughts...and am trying to get the mother in me travel alongside the daughter, wife, sister and friend...
hope that i can reflect on myself through last year in the few days that remain of 2009...even if it all doesn't get reflected on Ensemble, there are a lot of thoughts coursing through mind...
the beautiful start to this year with the long drive to Kerala..the distance we spanned in people through Palghat, Kochi and Alleppey is one of the best treks we had, and will always be cherished for a dear friend who gave us company through the journey, and through whom we discovered the buoyancy of spirits and elevation that a genuine enthusiast can lend...Thanks Vandy, you always hold a special place in my heart...
One of my biggest dreams was to drive a car on my own...As you know, driving licenses seldom point to actual drivers...in late 2008, i started my tryst with driving again, under Sandettan's watchful eyes...And 2009 took Sandettan away to Mysore on work, and thus started my bon voyage through Bangalore...I drove up through blunders and mistakes, to make the confident driver of today..It was another feather in the armour for me, i truly cherish the self reliance and independence driving gave me...also, i remember the best moments when i drove out with Keshav all buckled up in the car seat playing the song we loved and sweet talking..
2009 saw a long span of separation from Sandettan, as he left to Mysore on work..i saw recession in close quarters..i realised the strength friends and relatives can give through tough times..i can remember a few friends who took my cause as they would take their personal stuff, my eyes are misty in those thoughts..but most of all, when we stayed apart i saw how happy and full our life together had been..we were chasing our silly worries when life was at the most wholesome for us with our togetherness...
two months in the beautiful city of Melbourne, a role change that took me there..it was a welcome break from stress of staying away from Sandettan, for a very worked up one and a half years as a mother...me and Keshav took our respective dividends, he with a wonderful time spent with his grandparents which has left him smarter, curious and talkative..And me with some time to chill out, reorganise myself and get back recharged...
2009 for the first time in life when i look at myself and felt conscious about weight gain...for the diet control, systematic yoga and gym combination that i am trying to stick on to...for giving myself more time to look within and to look good..
that is a lot 2009, and my kitty of resolutions for 2010 is already full...
Fair and Unfair
Patty, you have touched me...In a soft spot which I didn't quite realise existed...
For a moment I felt fortunate...Even when I felt unsure, my career was safe and stable...At every level, I have yearned for more...I have wanted to grow...I have grown frustrated at time...Wanted stuff to work out faster...Wanted all the good things to blossom together in my career...But all that while, my career was safe...It was progressing smoothly...I was growing faster than peers...
On the personal front, I am settled...I have a home, kid, all comforts and above all a loving husband and family...I have my flexibility at work...I am sure of myself...I drive around and find my own way...I treasure my independence and self reliance, together with it I treasure the feeling of being a precious possession for my people...
I cannot imagine losing the job and being thrown out to the recession hit IT world...Have been settled for a long time, so can't quite imagine the woes of mind a person unsettled in work and home fronts might encounter...I smile when I am happy, and I am happy most of the time coz I have all fair reasons on my side...So can't quite imagine how difficult it is to smile with all concerns and apprehensions within...
And I ponder how magical the equation of fair and unfair is....
Again a moving phase...
Again a moving phase...
2.5 years in one team and now moved to another...
Opputunities beckon me, they tell me "Sieze the mantle"...
I am a little confused, I am not on comfortable grounds, I am with unknown people, I am standing before my current job which looms over unknown horizons....
I struggle to understand the scope, the magnitude, the impact...
I try to measure benefits, assess team mates, judge behaviours...
I feel it is OK even if I don't fit in...
Would I gain over the work and people? Would I excel? Would I make a name for myself? Would I...
Do I seem silly to the people? Do my questions suit context and have relevance?
Will I set in and see career paths leading me to newer heights from the current level?
I am trying to fight the inertia. The static inertia I had gained with long time in a role. The static inertia that makes new people seem distant and strange. I am trying to get into a state of motion and volatility and change.
Wish me Good Luck :D
Present
Just a few words typed for a friend on a communicator window seemed to have comforted her from some known and some unknown fears...If it has comforted VR, the bestest of my chums @ work, then it ought to be on ensemble at least as a memoir to our friendship....
Keshav has a tendency to try and hold the flame of the lighted lamp...We generally light lamps in the evening...I scold and shout and all just to prevent him from getting his fingers burnt...But one day it slipped my notice and he held the flame and his fingers got lil burnt...I thought as I comforted him, "Good, at least he will remember the pain and not do it again"...
But then the next day, when I lighted the lamp he gave the same sincere hearted effort again...He is not remembering the past, so he has no judgements...the future, the burn, the pain, the scars don't bother him...it is the present that is fascinating him...in all glow and colour and brightness...it is alluring him and casting its aura on him...it is calling him to take the step that is marked by innocence, curiosity, and pure delight for all in sight and sound...becoz "he is always living in the present"...."present moment is inevitable"...
Few minutes of thought...
I am a pretty lucky girl...Inherited good parents, loving relatives and a "not bad" family set up...Did well at school, had plenty of friends, was a friend whom pals treasured and the not-so-known-people wished to be close to, got the love and blessings of teachers...Blessed enough to get good marks and good competitive exam ranks...Studied in old and famous college...Made name there...Pretty sure have positively affected the lives of many...Very sure there are quite some people who will feel indebted to me , for small gestures though...A good number who admire me and wish all the good in the world come to me...A still greater number who think of me with warmth...Got a good life partner...Spent our own lovely time together after marriage...Got settled in the true sense...Blessed with the joy of a son...
Thank you! I feel truly honoured.
This infact puts a lot of things into perspective...There are lots more to look ahead...A few sad things, hope they don't distract the overwhelming optimism with which I am trying to look at life...
Converge my energies, my gift of words, the warmth of my thoughts, the practicality of my vision, the rationale of my action, my mind, my soul, my conscience...hopefully I shape up to a plum and mature woman...
This is my silence; it seems like a loud point made…
It is a broken wall, but I feel I am not responsible for mending it…
A silent stroke, but agony is written over it …
Withered petals, drooped leaves, and a single tear that shines on my cheek…
Questions, ward off from my inquisitive mind…
Concerns, drain off from my flooded thoughts…
Agony, don’t prick me any longer…
Vengeance, I don’t want to pay any coin back….
Surging waves, splash and take off all that I want to forget…
Soothing breeze, kiss the broken area of my heart…
Keshav’s smile, embalm my spirits…
God’s hand, touch upon my soul…
Faith, help me endure struggles…
Prayer, ring the divine in my ears…
Hope, help me see the brighter side of life…
Love, understand the ones for whom it pains more than me…!
Mixed feelings
These thought trains are captured in the gap of an hour...
Dear Woe, Tell me, why do you follow me?
Haven't I been optimistic enough?
Haven't I struggled and achieved things that all thought I would never even attempt?
Haven't I "exceeded expectations and set new benchmarks"?
But still it seems that pranks are always played on me...
The smart Reshmi is always the one whose heart is going to be targeted, hit and broken...
Why did I take up so much responsibility (and that too willingly!)?
Why couldn't I be a little selfish?
Why do I ask myself all these "whys" after things flop big time?
Why do I always justify everyone else and find that finger needs to be pointed always @ me? (every time!)
I am only 25 years. Am I more mature than my age?
Am I capable of doing more than my peers?
Does being a wife and mother mean that I am a daughter any longer?
Why times change?
Why distress comes?
Why anger and revenge?
Why meanness?
Why not gratitude?
Why not regard and respect?
Why not understanding?
Sentiment is a stupid cloud that is hovering over my head now. I thought a rain of tears would do me fine. But then I forgot that this is monsoon, and "Sentiment" clouds are spreading on the sky after every rain.
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Dear Little Buds, you have blossomed. Its no longer your safe zone on the stem, nourished by the parent plant. This is your test for you are going to be a part of a bouquet. Be fresh and smart so that you make way to the finest and rarest of bouquets. You have got it in you to make a mark and secure your place and identity on the bouquet. The bouquet has to be valued and remembered for you.
I quote " Go kiss the world. Good luck and Godspeed."
The happy smiley is addressed to Punnan and Kunju as they step out to their next moves.
Back...!
It has been reaaaaalllly long time. I wonder where my expression went - It was one of the most happy and happening times in my life, but somehow I could not make time and space to capture all those to words.
Well pals (I am wondering if there is really any of you who still browse thru to find out if I have posted something!), I am back. I cannot say "back with a bang". "Bang" and Reshmi don't come together now coz Reshmi is now the proud mother of Keshav (3 months) and mothers and "bang" are ols enemies. So thatz the latest from my end. Nowadays I find my expression in the lullabies I create on a daily basis and the new chweet, slimy language in which I talk to Keshu.
Lots to write about - from Keshu to Salomi (our most recent domestic help) to the nameless young boy gardeners who spread blossoms on Sarjapur Road. Probably the best character to narrate about will be myself considering the drastic transition motherhood has brought to my feelings..
This is just a preface, will be back on this page with more...!
Home is where the heart is…
From the time I joined Mar Athanasius College of Engg for my B Tech, life has always been away from home and more so from the time I left for job. I have longed for home, the food, the plush sofas, the curtains, the sunlight that fell in thru the windows, the cots, the bathrooms, the smell, the greenery that greeted me thru the windows. I found it difficult to accept hostels and PGs, in spite of all the fun they gave, it was never home! Home is that cosy comfort that you feel, that sense of belonging, it’s about growing and associating your memories to a structure in brick, wood and mortar, it’s about the bond you build with a physical structure, the pains with which you clean, decorate and renovate it from time to time.
For many of us in our journey of life, home is a milestone, a landmark which all of us dream of. It is our resort after work, a calm place, a place where we want divinity and grace to be filled. It is a dream to build a house and make it a cosy home for your kids to play and grow.
I have my own home dreams...dreams of dusting my furniture… Of the containers arranged on the kitchen racks… Of the wonderful dishes kept in covered vessels… Of the book shelf, lined with the books and magazines…The framed Wedding and Reception snap capturing our best moments… Birthday cards from Punnan... The painting of the lovely Krishna, with a flute lost away in thought... The smooth and lacy curtains... The beds with soft designed bed sheets…The sunlight that streams in thru the French windows…The curtains dancing in the breeze and images cast by sunlight…
Thus, as Man and Wife, we had begun our search for home. In the vast and ever-expanding Bangalore, we had our heartbreaks seeing the prices, the Marketing guys frustrated us, we strained ourselves to find hidden costs and motives, and we swore to ourselves that we’ll never ever look for a home in Bangalore. To hide our home searching disasters, we blabbered about what a worse city Bangalore is, searched for alternate options in Kochi. After walking thru construction sites on weekends, tired and desperate, many a times we broke down emotionally. We calculated our funds again and again. We reasoned and argued. We prayed…
And finally we saw a house that would soon be ours. We saw hope, that carried us thru Bank Loan deliberations and Registration. And finally brought us to the d-day wherein we appeased the Gods and moved in to our new home, happy and contented. It was after all just a 6 month of search and wait for us, we thanked God for making it happen so soon and for having our parents around who helped and supported us.
We are in our new house, and on a new voyage of associating memories to this man-made structure. It is so much a part of our dreams and in future would very much be part of our memories. God bless!
The Venice Of The East
People say you are in your first year of marriage, young, no commitments, both have jobs, living together in Bangalore - so everyday should be a picnic, a holiday :) Well, it more or less is, more so on the weekends when we have the whole day and no work. It is a picnic in mind space, but then cooking, shopping, washing, cleaning, moping just don't make it a picnic in any real sense. Initially like every new couple with a married tag, we made an unending list of places to visit, innumerable ways to spend our weekends, but somehow slowly the weekend chores have taken precedence. I have moved on at work space also, and when after 5 days of IT Support, Saturday - Sunday is for a peaceful time at home cleaning up everything that has accumulated from 5 days at work.
So it was rather a surprise when during our latest trip home, there came this chance for a boating trip in Alappuzha. My native in Alappuzha, a place called Haripad. But then Alappuzha had been one place which came on our way to Haripad, and a place about which the people in my office kept enquiring. There ended all my connection to Alappuzha until I formed a new one.
What waited for us there was not just heat and humidity, but waterways with either side laden with greenery. People gazing from either bank when a motor boat and two people with cameras tried to capture what they felt was a normal day to day life. People who live a life close to nature, but then circumstances seldom allowing them to enjoy the nature which people from far and near come to capture in still and moving shots. Little children who waved, and chaps who whistled. Old people who appeared shaking their heads, probably thinking about what had become of their once calm and quite backwaters. Bold ones, young and old, who rowed their private valloms defying the currents sent by big motorised boats. Fleets of house boats which very much define the God's Own Country abroad. Coconut palms stretched in a never ending line which made us wonder where the end of the world is. Temples lined on the banks. Election banners occupying prominent spaces. Small cool bars selling coke and cigarettes.
That is Alappuzha as I saw it and the ripples that it passed through my mind. One thing unsaid might leave my impressions of this trip incomplete – the wonderful lunch we had at KTDC’s Yatri Nivas in Pallathuruthy– a homely Kerala meal accentuated by the wonderful tasting dishes, refreshing buttermilk, karimeen fry and chicken curry.
Unsaid and unapplauded my blog turned one on April 28th. I still remember that fateful day I started blogging and I am sure it was one of the best days of my life. Thanks to all of you out there, for all the encouragement and feedback.
Moving on...
This draft was written 2 months back, in a very emotional situation..And I was searching for something to post on my blog and found this one. And trust me, it still makes emotions swell within me...
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I have moved out of my company. A place where I had planned to stick on for the rest of my life. A place where I had achieved. A place where I had carved a niche for myself. A place where I was known, accepted and appreciated. A place where I had stood up to critique systems and processes. A place where I had questioned practices. A place where I had made friends and became friend to many. A place where I had vouched that one day I would climb high up the ladders. A place where I had resolved that I would change the systems that I felt was outrageous. Still in a moment all that was overtaken with an all powerful feeling that I cannot define in words and I moved out!
I still remember my induction into IT industry in Hyderabad – how I stared wide-eyed at the people, the big stages and presentations. How I felt myself brimming with emotion when the PowerPoint’s flashed with the company values. How I had strained my ears to hear about the growth opportunities. How I had contemplated getting an onsite opportunity. How much I had seen myself in dreams and daydreams as a smart and achieving corporate.
But then time…the great factor time had taken me through to opportunities, disappointments, heartbreaks, heroism, and camaraderie. It had shown me that values are wonderful bits residing on papers and sites, you work your way around the values. It had given me an extension of college life. It had given me a happy-go-lucky fresher tag that I enjoyed. I got a chance to work with wonderful managers, people who polished my skills and attitudes, and influenced my outlook and behaviour. It also showed me that the world is not a place as green as it appears to be. There are a lot of “red people” who “stand out”! But then that is the way things are. Situations are not always plum and people are not always rosy. But then life is just about taking people and situations as they are and as they come.
I have met some wonderful people and had some wonderful insightful experiences, they stand out as lessons to guide and inspire me. I still remember how as a team, one careless dialogue from our side went to the verge of risking my manager’s job. But this great man, the most wonderful manager I have seen, came back to us and without scolding or losing his cool explained the situation and told us to be utmost careful while communicating. Even now when people praise me on the clarity and content I deliver thru my official communications, my mind just goes back to the tips given by this person. Every time I am bogged down by work pressure, I remember the moment I had broken down in front of him and his words of advice that very moment which shows me the path ahead.
I remember the heated discussions that we had with our clients on billing and service delivery, where I sat confused as to why the person with whom I always had the friendliest of conversations was so animated now? But then I was again in for surprise when the same person pinged me on chat and told me not to take offence of the mud throwing in the discussions and that personal relationships and friendship is all above business. I still cherish that moment.
I remember all my sweet friends who shared their cups and concerns. People with whom I went for coffees and lunches, the wonderful discussions we had, the insight that each of them gave me, the stories they shared which made me feel important, the way they reached out to me when I needed but pretended that I was fine. My training batch for being the best group, a much “unified in diversity” group that made my extended college life.
Time had shown me that mind is a wild horse which you would always have trouble controlling. It showed me that a human being and more so an ambitious one will always have problems when situations don’t move and offer terms of growth. It showed me that big decisions are taken in a moment. It showed me that a single event can turn your life and you to some decisions which you had never expected to take. It surprised me that I found justifications for quitting my company and also effectively communicated that to the people around me. It surprised me that my mind accustomed to my new decision and longed within for the change which was just a momentary decision.
Well so thatz the story. Quitting was tough, but then somewhere I got the courage to stand by my decision. Still I hold my company close to my heart and as my company! Probably I would for a long time… Pardon me for any spelling/grammatical mistakes guyz; I quite don’t have the mind to read thru this stuff. It is said once and for all!
Pothichoru
The idea for this post sprouted in my mind during my return train journey from home in December. As usual, Amma had packed her routine Pothichoru for us. Taking account of Sandettan’s addition to my life, the amount of food had quadrupled. Thatz Amma’s style!
It is not the first time that I had carried Amma’s Pothichoru. I have vivid memories of the rice stuffed in that plantain leaf, of the melting taste of omelette, the tanginess of the ginger-tamarind chutney and the chicken or fish pieces of gastronomical delight (Sorry for killing English language!).
This unassuming green pouch has made way into the travel bags of all our relatives who have left our home on a train travel; it has joined my relatives travelling from Kayamkulam to Bhilai and Delhi at the Ernakulam Junction railway station. The wonderful meal contained inside never had the Paneer Butter Masala or Chettinad Chicken to boast about, it never had a glossy aluminium foil cover, it never had boxes to hold the side dishes. It almost always had the same menu of rice, egg omelette, ginger tamarind chammandi, and a piece or two of fish, chicken or a thoran, it always had the dull green plantain leaf holding it, and side dishes wrapped in smaller plantain leaves.
But the love and care with which it was prepared made this meal heavenly. The feelings that cooked into the meal translated to the wonderful taste which became a trademark. It bonded our people to Achan and Amma. It taught me all about being there for our relatives. It spoke and taught volumes about the family ties and family values. In this fast world, it taught me the simple joy of cooking a good meal, serving and sharing. And in the succeeding days and years, brought name and fame to Mani Chechi’s Pothichoru.
Sometime in between I felt a little hesitancy in carrying that traditional plantain pouch on my train journeys. But then, the moment I open that pouch, the smell that emanated out would engulf my thoughts and bring back that familiar longing for home. The unsophisticated ordinary little Pothichoru forever brings before my eyes innocent and unassuming affection. How fragile are external appearances – an old newspaper sheet covering a plantain leaf? The value is within coz that humble abode lodges the radiance of love, care and warmth.
Lessons from bitter moments
I thought we were similar. See when I say similar, it is not looks, family, financial status or lifestyle that I think about. I say similar when our thoughts are similar, our ideas match, we have the same kind of viewpoint in most topics, we are able to relate to each other the way we talk. I really thought and still think that we are similar.
I tried to imbibe certain goodness from you to myself. I tried to put my feelings across to you. You gave me company and in tough times a lot of solace. Even though half of my problems and worries were an output of some silly nonsensical thoughts, you listened to my problems from across the seas. You made me feel important. I professed to your problems through mails and you found solutions to my worries. I thought we were close, as close as the times when we were together and we were two students with no worries. I thought we had failed to distinguish whether we were bound by friendship or sisterhood.
Your success amazed me. Your new endeavors thrilled me. I was content with my degree and job. Somewhere I felt I had lost that urge for more. I saw you scaling heights which I had one day planned of scaling. I was amazed at your determination and perseverance. I regarded you to extreme respect and questioned myself “Why I couldn’t be like you?”
My life took a new route and I conveyed my marriage news to you. But somewhere I was caught up in my own worries of married life. As usual I was caught in my self created web of doubts. I lost touch with you. I lost touch with my own need for friends.
Everything happened too suddenly for me. A new person became very much my own life. Little did I know that when my new life was getting built with loving moments, you had lost yours? I never realized the immense pain you went through. Everyday I prayed a line for the whole world, with my regular prayer. I never knew you were so much in need of a special prayer.
Did it ever occur to you that in a split second your very own life can take a sharp downslide turn and surprise you? You thought that this path had great goals and moments in the offering, but now you can just stare at the road ahead and try to decipher some vague inner meanings. You had put faith in immense goodness of mankind and in the kindness of God. But now you just wonder whether there is any justice in the world?
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This is penned sometime back (2 months ago) in a moment of immense pain – a reaction to a close friend’s sad moment in life which I happened to share. Today at this juncture I’m really happy at the recovery that she has had. When I say recovery, I don’t give credit to time and nature. I give credit to her immense fighting spirit. I’m praying to God to help her see the greener roads ahead and the flowers that blossom on those roads.
It has been a realization to me in many ways. Showing me the uncertainty that life is, cautioning me about never to take people in my life for granted, and also a wonderful experience in seeing the marvelous process of the healing. Most importantly I started thinking of my own friends with a whole lot more of concern. Somewhere I sensed that I might not realize when and how they need me. I have always had them around when I needed them. Hope I can stand for them when they need me.
I suddenly had this urge to post this – the trigger again being a close friend's thoughts as expressed thru his blog here.
Shaping up...
Almost 2 and half months into married life, I’m settled comfortably into a routine. I had never thought that I could handle the role of a homemaker, but I am managing quite OK as a homemaker cum working woman. It is hectic, but no less enjoyable. It is a great feeling when you share your life for someone (in my context, Sandettan my husband), when your priorities rate some else’s comfort also as a factor not just yours.
Over this small span of time, I noticed a lot of things about myself. I noticed gradually how I have Amma’s touch in everything I do. Every thing I do I can relate to her, even when I have never tried to imitate her.
I started picking and prodding for fresh vegetables at the grocery store. I became and expert in deciding what vegetables to purchase and what dishes to cook making best attempts to avoid repetitions and monotony. I try to include pulses and leafy vegetables in my meals. I have the same frown as on Amma's face when the “green leafy vegetables” lady thrust no-so-fresh spinach and palak into my hands and ask for 10 rupees:) Even I sing the same malayalam songs in the most irritating of tunes the way she used to :))
When guests come I serve my own hand-cooked (:)) food with the same old Amma dialogue “ Onnum athra sheriyayitilla” coz it increases manifold the joy that you get when the guest says “Alla…nannayittundu”. After a hectic washing session, I make fruit juices and sip it leisurely watching the TV.
I sit back sipping my tea and finishing over the leftovers from the morning breakfast in my evenings after returning from work. I cannot help thinking about how I as a kid never used to like the breakfast idli/dosa served as evening snack and how every evening Amma would end up finishing the remaining from breakfast. When I cook, I realize the value of my time, effort and resources spent. Also I realize hers too.
Every Sunday Achan and we saw Amma running around. We remarked how she never seemed to have time even on a holiday. She always had unending chores to talk about. We could never make it to any outing or cinema on weekends coz for Amma it was her only holiday to finish washing, cleaning and preparing for the week ahead. Now I realize the same truth from my life, something that I had never realized all my 23 years. I value my Sundays and I too have unending list of tasks to be done. I know the onlooker (here Sandettan) gets irritated thinking the same way I and Achan thought of Amma. But then my Sunday is really really precious for me.
Every night tired after household chores and sumptuous dinner, I can feel the resistance that builds up in my mind to washing the dishes. I sometimes postpone the washing to the next morning. But always there is Amma’s old story, something that my grand mom told her and she has passed over to me. This is a small story with no thrills and frills. There were 2 families who lived beside each other. One rich and the other poor. The rich family had lots of servants and the poor were on their own, somehow scraping and making their ends meet. After a rich affluent meal at night, the rich family used to settle to their cozy beds leaving their kitchen and dishes for the maids to clean next day. Whereas the poor family would share a scanty meal amongst themselves, clean their kitchen and dishes and settle to sleep. At night Goddess Lakshmi visited the two houses. Impressed with the way the poor family had maintained their house, Devi showered her blessings on them and made them prosperous. You might have by now guessed what became of the rich family! I am very sure this is going to be one of the stories that I pass down to my kids, most importantly my little girl.
At the moment I'm improvising to get to the level of great taste that Amma's dishes have, to try out and learn new dishes to get Sandettan's appreciation for my culinary skills. I have realised a great truth that Time is a great leveler. Probably the dialogue that I have most often heard from Amma is that “You’ll understand when you reach my position”. Sure I do :)
How weird am I?
Hi!! I'm back on the blog world after a long time and promising to myself to be more regular. Thanks Srijith for the tag. This tag just made me think and think, my biggest doubt was - "What I find weird in myself, will others also find the same things weird?" So here are 6 weird points about me:))
1. I'm an emotional reader and viewer.
Sentimental movie dialogues, patriotic lines, passionate words in books/blogs and all can bring tears to my eyes. Mostly I feel the passion and pain in written words and visuals, and my eyes fill up.
Over my life on earth, I have tried my best to block these tears in public and have succeeded also. But they gush out when I'm alone.
2. People who irritate me to the core initially end up as my best friends.
This has happened to me a lot of times. There is this friend of mine, an amazingly thoughtful person and one of my bestest chums, who did initially irritate me with her ability to be the last to any place/office/meeting, the most unpunctual of people, who never keeps time:) But then it took me only little time to overlook small things and befriend this wonderful person.
There have been people at work and college who have made me think initially "How am I going to adjust with these people?" AND "They'll go their way and I'll go mine" but at last have ended as my good pals and soul mates.
3. I hate paneer and I'm not fond of pizza.
The snack of the generation PIZZA - I don't approve it much. Also I hate paneer and cannot bear even the sight of Aloo Paneer, Paneer Butter Masala and all Paneer stuff.
4. I love to sing aloud against the sound of the moving train.
This is probably something I used to do a lot in my younger age. Achan, Amma and I used to travel to our native place Kayamkulam once every month for my second Saturday holiday. I would smartly get my window seat and sit clutching the windows bars and keeping my head on the window sill. Amma would be telling me to move away giving vivid descriptions of people who would have spit through the window. Slowly the train gathers momentum and I look out thru the windows and sing aloud against the sound of the moving train.
Gone are those frequent trips and little Reshmi is no longer little! Probably that element of "What'll other people think?" that grows into you with age is the culprit behind me not showing this weird behaviour off late.
5. I have a bold and daring imagination.
I'm not a very courageous person in real life. But in the reel life of imagination, I love to visualize scene by scene as to how I will fight intruders, how I'll expose corrupt politicians and unscrupulous elements and how I'll revolt to some unagreeable company policies and back stabbing colleagues. But come the situation in real life, Reshmi will be the meekest person you have seen and who'll handle the situation without damage to leaf and the pin:))
6. I cannot help blurting out unpleasant truths, especially to people close to me.
I'm an arrogant girl in this respect. If I notice anything that I feel is not proper in the behaviour of any of my closest kin, I cannot help telling it out on their face in the most impatient and rude of manners.
Nithin, Abhi, Soorya, Maddy - I'm curious to know how weird you guyz are! Enlighten me with the facts..:))
See you!
My dear girlie Reshmi,
There are a lot of things. Using your very own newly acquired vocabulary; there are “n number” of thoughts cruising through your mind this very moment. In a split second, you are unable to judge the nature of your thoughts – happiness, sadness, concern, apprehension…
As a kid, you talked faster and earlier than the rest of your age. You walked and ran before your contemporaries. You recited your rhymes with zest and vigour. You had the privilege to be in nature’s lap. You had your friends and relatives forever around you, showering their love and affection. You excelled in studies. You developed yourself to be an outgoing girl. You headed small student groups. You wrote little poems. You set goals for yourself. You learnt your lessons. You took your tests. You reached gates of your ambition and strived to be the coveted ones who crossed the gates.
Lotsa people, lotsa moments.
Your schoolmates for first recognisng the leader and teacher in you.
Your school teachers for still seeing that old kid in you.
RSK, Thoyakat, Soorya & lotsa others – for being the people whom you picked and who picked you in return in different walks of life.
Your very own stupid problem causing dialogues.
Your absurd outbursts.
Your crazy ideas.
Your fights with Amma.
Your debates with Achan.
Your friends and relatives – who were there for you.
Your job, your mentors at work and your ever-jovial colleagues.
Ensemble, blogspot and blogger pals and friends – who made you feel that you write some stuff.
You are remembering every moment, every source these came through, the linking incidents and experiences, everyone part of these moments, people who are still with you and people who are part of the vastness around you, and you have tears brimming your eyes and a smile on your lips – the moments are the essence of the word “bittersweet”.
You were that little traveler with a small boat. You were at the shore when you received a loving push into the waters. You saw familiar faces push the boat through those initial tides. And then you were on your own. Small leaps, small goals, small destinations. But you were always in sight of the shore. Slowly you set sight on the horizon. You saw infinite promise in the golden skies that stretched to the final limits. You had and still have the strength and youthful vigour to row and reach it. The horizon beckons, but still you don’t want to lose the comfort and safety of the shore.
This is a new journey. Not leaving the past behind, you attempt to join present and future. You don’t have words to describe. Thanks girlie, for being here to share the world, and for being “you” every moment!
Cheers,
“Trying to be mature” Reshmi
/*****************************************************************/
Dear All,
This is not adieu to blogging! This is just a new beginning to a new phase in life. I’m getting married this Saturday.
Expecting your prayers and blessings,
Reshmi
A friend indeed
Friendship day wishes, orkut scraps, calls from friends, touching messages – yet another day I paused and looked back at life and what an influence friends have been, how some of them kept contact and ties over time and tide, and how my friendships have matured with time and I still keep making new friends.
Probably the first imprint in my mind of friendship is of a thin small built man with prematurely graying hair, who used to drop in at my home most frequently on working day evenings. Balancing a burning cigarette between his lips, he used to voice to Amma, “Mani…Chaaya…”. This is my oldest memory of my dad’s closest friend. From then on, my eyes and mind got used to this man, whom I called Uncle initially, but later from somewhere came to be addressed with a homely “Mondasammavan”.
Amma traces our association with Mondasammavan when he made way into the humble rented house, my parents first home together in Chennai. She still remembers putting out a small paaya (mat) for him. From then on, she remembers him as a constant companion of Achan, and as the best admirer of her own cooking skills.
Every time I used to call Achan’s office line when I missed my bus or for any emergency, my fingers moved to Mondasammavan’s extension as soon as I could not connect the line to Achan’s. A young Reshmi was advised not to go if a stranger offers a chocolate and tells “I’ll take you to Achan/Amma”. “Go only if Mondasammavan calls you other than me or Amma”, Achan used to tell me.
I grew up to learn that I could rely on this person like Achan. I could call him anytime for any help. His family became frequenters at my home during weekends and holidays. We started recognizing each other’s relatives, building strong ties between our families, and being there for each other. I can never forget the zeal with which he used to bring up vacation trip plans and the way he used to side with Amma in all her temple visit endeavors like the famous Mookambika Temple visit which surfaced every year in pretext of Reshmi going a grade higher in studies.
With a mechanical engineering graduate degree, this man showed me what engineering skill truly meant. I still remember the enthusiasm that lit up his eyes when I got an engineering admission. He energetically took up the task of making me understand the concepts of Basic Mechanical Engineering in first year. I still remember that crammed workshop where he proudly operated the lathe and I stood gaping with a wonderstruck expression. His home was a mini-workshop where all his colleagues’ vehicles received a dose of his engineering skill. Our car used to be transformed to the best Maruti on earth with his touch, and we used settle back comfortably into our seats as he taught Achan the intricacies of managing Maruti steering with a single finger.
I still remember how he stood by Achan all through Ammoomma’s long treatment days and later when Ammoomma passed away. I still remember how he used to be the surety of all loans taken by my parents. I still remember how overjoyed he used be in Achan’s professional success. I still remember the triumph in his voice when he dictated my 12th marks on phone. I still remember the warmth and love he showered upon all our relations. I still remember the lesson of friendship and commitment he taught through the example of his life.
I had just wished for small small things like seeing the combined joy on Mondasammavan’s and Achan’s face when I got a job, the plans they would have made take me to Hyderabad to join my company, getting the same pattern shirt for both of them when I get my first salary, getting Mondasammavan's expert advice when I would buy a vehicle on my own and wanting to see Achan and Mondasammavan hand in hand for the preparation of the marriage of their daughters. But HE probably had some other plans for this engineer in heaven. And at times when tears fill my eyes as I think back, I feel I cannot thank HIM enough for sharing this wonderful person with our family, and most importantly for teaching through his life what friendship really means.
A lot of things…
In the span of time when I didn’t blog and finally broke out with a tag, I remember asking to myself, “Why suddenly this Blogger’s block? Is it because of dearth of topics? Hasn’t the world moved in that time span? Haven’t a lot of things happened? The things said, done and witnessed, haven’t they left a scar in my mind?”
Well lot of things to think about, the Mumbai blasts, the ever-happening Bangalore city, about a little boy captured in a bore well and lots more.
Mumbai has seen different phases of destruction, most lately the blasts. As we all huddled in front of the TV, witnessing the NDTV coverage, I could sense the helplessness I felt in my own mind. There were friends of mine, who were so depressed with the Government’s passiveness, who felt like I myself feel that it is high time India take the bold step against Pakistan funded terrorism. We have preached peace to the world, but aren’t we showing heights of submissiveness here?
The editorials of Hindu sing about a nuclear treaty signed with US, which contains clauses that expose the security and secrecy of our very own defense policy. Pakistan has funded cross border terrorism for such a long time, but is it that every time in spite of being ditched time and again, we are willing to take initiatives for talks? Why is it that India's very own land illegally subjugated by Pakistan, “the Pakistan Occupied Kashmir” is an area never covered in any of the discussions?
I remember the pride I felt when Thomas Friedman mentioned Bangalore in his much acclaimed book “The World is Flat”. I’m definitely the part of this bright tomorrow that Bangalore offers. But a couple of assaults about which I have heard just make me wonder what really “bangalored” means. Most recently, my fellow project team member told me about one of his friends, who came to Bangalore in an early morning bus and was kidnapped. The guy was badly beaten up, fingers cut, robbed off this ATM and credit cards as well as the pin numbers. And most shockingly, it was not just one victim. There were 2 girls, with Wipro tags, gagged and tied in the same vehicle. And the vehicle took off with them, after dumping the looted guy on the road. For a few pennies, can we do this to another human being? 
"Human nature" surprises me!
In the same Bangalore, I frequently travelled late nights in a tough phase of my project. I befriended cab drivers, simple and concerned men who would drop me outside the apartment and wait till I climb the stairs, enter inside my flat after an incessant flow of calling bell rings, and give him a call and tell I'm in and fine. There were old gentlemen among these cab drivers who asked us to be careful while venturing out with laptops. People who always were Guardian Angels in our late night trips. And that too in the same city. "Human nature" surprises me!!
On my last trip home, I took an auto to the railway station. I knew that the auto drivers would greet me asking for "shocking and outrageous" fares. But I was surprised when one person just hinted me in the auto after I had chorused "Bangalore City Railway Station" to at least 10 people. The old driver promptly started his meter and started the trek. A happy me, relieved myself with some cracker sneezes. I was having a bad cold, you see :). The honest man drops me at the railway station, takes the meter fare and also offers me a cold tablet in goodwill and imparts a few words "really effective, no side effects". "Human nature" surprises me!!!
A nation’s eyes focused onto a tiny bore well in Kurukshetra when little Prince got trapped in. A whole country closed its eyes in prayers. A whole country’s focus brought diligence to rescue operations, romped in politicians who took center stage and drove the rescue mission, and most importantly unified this country to one God, in a partial realization, from whom we sought courage and blessing thru our own cultural and religious channels. Aren’t there thousands of issues enveloping this country, from child labour to social stigma, from infanticide to unemployment? Why isn’t the media able to bring the hype it brought to Prince’s case in all these?
Calamities have united us to God for split seconds. But haven't we brought disgrace to His name with Babri Masjid and Gujarat riots? Haven't we failed to understand that even with differences in our cultural practices, we have all tried to attain one and the same God?
Just some thoughts that played several rounds in the arena of my mind...